This is a reblog from The Neighborhood’s Kendall F. Person…this post struck a chord for me. Last night, I found myself slipping back into “victim” mode. A new coworker of mine did not know my “story”… if I develop a close relationship with someone, I have to tell them my situation…It’s such a big part of who I am now. It doesn’t define me, but it has shaped the person I am becoming. There will never be a day when these events won’t be a significant part of who I am. It’s just too huge.

As I was telling her my story, a different coworker was looking at me with bug eyes… “Wait you don’t know about this?” I asked. “No, I do.. it’s just that I’ve heard this story a million times before”.

My coworker and I had drinks with another co-worker after work. She came to the cafe to join us when I was half way through the story… Yes, she was shocked, as all people are when they first hear the story. What she said after really struck a chord.

“OK, we’re going to go out and have a drink on another day and your going to tell me everything. Get it out of your system. Then we don’t talk about it again. We talk about your album, we’ll style you for a photoshoot, and we focus on the positive.”

I needed that, and I hope to look at this as just a “slip”. The first year  in the legal system I needed something to dull down the emotions at all times… day drinking, a toke here and there, Facebook, checking my emails in bed over and over again….spending money on crap I didn’t need just to feel the power of making a purchase. My existence was a series of short term relief mechanisms to dull the pain. I couldn’t sit with myself…no I made a choice not to sit with myself. These things are changing. I mediated for about three minutes today before I hopped on the computer, but hey, it’s a start. I can sit with the pain now and accept it can be transformed.

Funny that this would appear on at the top of my WordPress reader feed today. The Universe does not play:)

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Mental Illness comes in varying degrees, but addiction and the Victim Syndrome may cause the biggest hit to our self-belief.

Source: Defeating The Inner Victim Before it Defeats Us

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