The stress I have gone through in the last couple of years has made me want to start making some more uplifting music.
Happy/positive music has always been super challenging only because it feels cheesy to sing sometimes. P!NK herself once said that when she is happy she is useless and that she kind of needs the pain to fuel up (Girl, if your reading my blog… sorry if I paraphrase). I myself used to the feel the same way.
I don’t really feel that way anymore. While the stress of the last two years have been paramount, I am ready to say goodbye to the heaviness of it all. I’m ready to face the situation for the absurdity of it all. Laugh at it in the face while saying point blank, “there is no excuse for this”. Even if I stay in the legal system, I am no longer willing to let it take up the same real estate in my head… I have too many songs to write. Too many new collaborators in different countries to sing with and music videos to shoot.
In order to not feel so cheesy every time I write a happier sounding song, I look into sad situations to extract the most uplifting part of it…I’ve had a lot of practice with this the last two years. I look into real life stories, so it feels authentic to sing. I’m writing a song for Vanity/Denise Matthews about the night she died and transitioned. Usually before every song I write, I need to spend hours alone with the track. Sometimes I go through crippling self doubt and convince myself I will never write another song again… that all the others were just flukes. I may distract myself to escape the crippling self doubt, but then I always find my way back.
So, I’m super glad that I held off on the album, as I think it needs some more uplifting material to counter balance all the songs about the legal system.