First of all, welcome to my new readers from Quora! One of the biggest comments/questions I get is about my decision to forgive the man who sued me. While most are supportive of that decision, I do get some adverse comments.
The day after I came back from court and wrote my blog post about forgiving Chuck, the following video randomly appeared in my feed from The Project, “Send Forgiveness Viral”.
I want to make it clear that my decision to forgive him did not affect the outcome of the case. I fought as long and as hard as I could. All I wanted was an end result that acknowledged my pain and suffering. To those who might feel “I let him off easy”, that is not the case at all. I only got a small part of my justice in the court room. My decision to forgive him came after it was all done.
The case started as a dispute between two men that I got dragged into. I had countless offers from people to engage in activity that I would never approve of “to settle the score”. I declined all of them and made it clear that was not the answer. I didn’t even let people trash him. If I had, this whole thing could have turned into something even darker and more destructive.
This is how wars get started. While I wanted justice and an acknowledgement of my worth as a living, breathing human being, I did not want a war. I didn’t want spouses or children to be affected. My act of forgiveness was the single most important step to allowing brighter and better things into my life. When I saw this video, it prompted me to write to them. They just tweeted me today that they read my story! I still have anger, but it is no longer directed towards the man who sued me. It’s directed towards the system that allowed this, and yes the media. Someday I will forgive them too, but baby steps!
Life is brighter, happier and more hopeful. Music is becoming my front and center focus again. For those of you who are disappointed in me for forgiving him, consider the following saying: “Holding onto anger is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die”.
We can’t change what happened. We CAN change the system through proper education and sharing my story and others who have been abused by the legal system. The general public is out of touch with the true state of the legal system. The legal system is very out of touch with how inhumane in can be to innocent people. The only way to bridge the gap is not to shout in anger, but to have a conversation.
I highly recommend going to The Forgiveness Project’s website and hearing other people’s stories. Make a donation if your able. People have forgiven others for situations much worse then mine. Much thanks to Project TV and Marina Cantacuzino for starting this project.